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09 October 2011 @ 09:21 pm
A little help, and advice, oh and some sympathy would be nice :)  
Here goes...

Hi, I am a 23 year old girl who has never had a boyfriend, never been kissed etc. I have Asperger's syndrome but this doesn't affect me nearly as much as it did three years ago. I have grown up in a lot of ways but still having problems on the love front.

Two years ago I met the nicest and most charming guy in the world. Though to be honest when I first met him I thought he was gay because I simply could not believe that there could be a guy so handsome and caring, friendly and natural. I was immediately attracted to him but did not discover my feelings for him until I noticed that I was bothered by the fact he went out with a girl we both knew from a social group we all went to. That relationship lasted almost a year and I gradually got closer to him after the break up.

When the break up was fresh I decided to try to get to know him more. I then became more confident in sending him messages and received what I thought were flirty messages back. I was so excited and I couldn't wait to see him next.

Then, I was walking back from town with a couple of close friends who also knew him. Then one of my friends told me she had some news - the guy liked her. Well I literally went to pieces over the next few months after they got together. I cried myself to sleep most nights. I stopped eating because I couldn't make myself swallow food. I became quite ill at Christmas from being so run down and tired.

Eventually, I told the guy that I had feelings for him and he was nice about it but it didn't change the fact that he was going out with someone else. His girlfriend (my friend) became very possessive and would not meet up with me, kept the guy and my friends away from me, and had secret conversations with my other close friend in the public toilets on the days that I was allowed to see them all.

I finally had to lie to them all and say that I was over him even though I wasn't. Everyone believed me strangely enough and I became part of the group again.

Now I torture myself every day looking at their Facebook messages to each other, listening to them telling me about their plans to move in together and get married etc and I took a job working with them six evenings a week, cleaning, so that I could be close to this guy, even though it kills me to see him kiss another girl. 

I dream about him many nights. I look at his pictures on Facebook and it reduces me to tears. I think about him constantly every day. I know it is bordering on obsessive but even through all the pain I went through I don't want to move on. I don't want to let go because I love him so much that I would rather withstand the pain than be without him at all. I cling on to the feeble hope that maybe he will wake up and realise that his girlfriend isn't what he wants after all and maybe I will have another chance.

I really love him and I don't want to give up on him, but how can I carry on with my life?
elbatnavuope: ask helgaelbatnavuope on October 10th, 2011 03:23 am (UTC)
having that attitude, where you hope beyond hope that he'll want you back is understandable, but it's really unhealthy... as much as you say you don't want to be without him, i think it would be in your best interest to cut contact with him... there's no way you can find someone new if you're still hung up on this guy... furthermore, if you love him that much, then what you should want more than anything is for him to be happy, whatever that means... and you have to do what you need to do in order to lead a happy, healthy life... being around him isn't healthy for you right now... i would suggest you distance yourself from him until you can genuinely be happy for his happiness without causing pain to yourself...

good luck!
leogirl1988leogirl1988 on October 10th, 2011 05:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your advice. In my head I do know that this is the best thing to do, I am having a little trouble letting go so it may take some time to move on. It is difficult as he is my friend as well as all the rest and I will think carefully about how best to cut contact as it will affect my close friends. The friend who is going out with him will, I think, want no more contact with me and my other close friend is quite young in her mind and will not understand. She will see this as an attempt to "ruin everyone's friendships". I feel that I am stuck in a place where I am having to keep everyone happy by pretending that everything is OK. I do want this guy to be happy, he is my friend, and if I have to remove myself from the situation I will but these people are my only friends and I will also have to be prepared to meet new people - something I find very difficult.

I am going to have to do some thinking. Thanks once again for your comment, I have found it helpful to see from an outsiders point of view.