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01 July 2009 @ 05:08 am
 
so i dont know what you say on here. but i guess i want to be able to talk to ppl who can maybe relate some of the things im goin thru. first off, i got back with my ex who had been on and off the last five years [every breakup seems to crush me more, hes always txtin other girls and stuff behind my back] everybreak up has hurt me more, about 2 yrs into it i thot mayb there was sumthin wrong with me since he constantly went after girls who were skinnier and shorter, so i developed a bad eating disorder. that only made our relationship worse..

neways by the fifth year the eating disorder turned into a heavy drug addiction. the eating disorder helped me feel in control, but the drugs made it where i just didnt care. and plus i hated going thru what i went thru daily with issues with my appearance and the drugs i chose helped me stay skinny..

so back to where i started, i got back with him, slowly laid off the drugs, since now i have a whole new group of friends and hes the only sober thing i know.

i put everything into it, everything was goin fine. then i saw that he had been talking to a nother girl. it broke my heart. for the last time i cannot handle it. my drug addiction is getting out of hand, but im having a hard time staying sober, cuz it means not being around my friends, who are all wonderful, and have been there with me thru thick and thin. my ex and i were broke up almost a full year this last time before i got back with him, but slowing down on drugs means i want to fill that void with sumthin comforting, and he was it.

now im heartbroken, he says he just doesnt want me cuz he wants to date other girls to make sure im the one. im the only girl hes ever slept with , so i can understand that, but i dont know why he didnt think about that before.

now im heartbroken, depressed, and have started using drugs more frequently. i hate being alone, its all that sort of temporarily eases my pain...and keeps my eating disorder from returning.

sorry so long, but thats my story. im 21 im a female if you couldnt tell. and im having a hard time. just looking for new friends to relate to. thanks for reading this if you did, i know its boring, but i had to let it out sumwhere.

 
 
 
allie2309 on July 22nd, 2009 04:11 am (UTC)
I have been through some of the same as you so if you ever want to talk I'll be here for you but I promise you that your heart won't heart forever
serenata___serenata___ on July 28th, 2009 06:08 am (UTC)
i'm sorry this is happening to you. no one deserves this. but try to spend some quality time alone even if you hate it, and try to learn to love yourself. i've gone thru a lot to make me realize that unless you love yourself, you won't be able to receive love or give it to others.

don't try to "understand" him, as you say... he doesn't know what he has. you sound like a great girl and it's totally his loss.

<3