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08 April 2009 @ 09:45 pm
'lo.  

Okay. Uhm.

I'm Maxwell. I've not posted here before, and I think its high time I did.

Last January, I was in grade twelve in highschool, and I had met a boy. I fast had feelings for this boy. Late February, we got together. He was the first person I had sex with. He was the first person I loved. For a while, it was golden. I had him, an dmy lesbian best friend of two years. After four months of dating, he decided that he loved both of us, and wanted to date us both. I said no. He broke up with me. Within days he got together with her. Within days of that, he slept with me again. He continue to cheat on her while living in my house, yet he told me that I was ugly, that I wasnt good at sex, that I was a bad kisser. Eventually, I moved away to go to college. I was so crushed. I felt like I would die. Every time I visited my mothers house, he would be there and we would have sex. I couldnt say no.

I stopped seeing him entirely in October. I was broken up with in June, and I was still hysterical over him in December. Half a year. January, still broken, February, getting better, March, doing well.

This past December, a friend of mine moved to the town I'm in. He has been showing interest in me. his name is Vincent.

Late February I met a friend online, his name is Peter.

I have fallen for both Peter and Vincent. But Vincent is fifteen, where I am eighteen, and Peter is in his late twenties and lives in California, whereas I live on Ontario, Canada.

I dont know what to do. I dont want to get hurt again, but both of these individuals seem very off limits. Vincent is the younger brother of a good friend, still in highschool even, and Peter is hundreds of miles away.

I think that it is a good thing that I at least feel for these people. It shows that Im getting over my ex, but I dont think the damage that he did will ever be entirely repaired. I am so self concious now. Im almost ashamed of my body, and I dont want to be intimate for fear that they think I'm not good at kissing or sex either.

In short, Im a bit lost, and looking for some guidance.
 

 
 
 
아산테erasera on April 17th, 2009 06:02 am (UTC)
You need a confidence boost.

I will tell you the truth: that guy you dated that insulted you like that was a fucking douchebag. You shouldn't have given him the time of day after treating you like that because you deserve better. Say fuck him and leave everything about him behind because he's not worth the thought you're giving him, considering he didn't apologize or try to be nicer to you.

Second, these new people. Vincent is younger than you and that could cause a problem because people in society are asshats and will look down on you for such an age gap. That is up to you to decide to pursue it. As for Peter, he is too far away. Some people can do LDRs, but I'm not sure getting into that would be a good idea. When would you see him, if ever? How can you trust him? I don't think you should do that to yourself right now.

I say that you should find ways to boost your own confidence. Seriously, talk to someone about what to do if you have to. You're in college, so expand your social circle and just have fun. You'll find someone who will treat you better. Just give it some time.